Women vs. Women: The Competition We Don’t Talk About.

Women often say things like “support women” or “women supporting women,” and while I absolutely believe many of us mean it wholeheartedly, I also think actions speak louder than words.

Because if we’re being really honest, women can be some of the harshest critics of other women. The only person we tend to judge harder than another woman is ourselves.

And I don’t necessarily think it’s because women are cruel. I think, in many ways, we’ve been conditioned to compete.

Compete for the seat at the table.
Compete for recognition.
Compete for validation.
Compete for acceptance in rooms historically built for men.

Somewhere along the way, many women inherited this belief that there simply isn’t enough room for all of us to succeed at the same time.

My husband and I often debrief after long days, whether it’s about work situations, social dynamics, leadership conversations, or even random interactions throughout the day. One thing I’ve always found interesting is hearing his perspective because it gives me insight into how differently men often approach competition and relationships.

What I’ve come to realize is that women carry so much emotional weight into everything.

We overanalyze.
We worry about perceptions.
We don’t want to hurt feelings.
We question ourselves constantly.
We compare ourselves endlessly.

And while men absolutely compete too, it often feels different. They compete, move on, shake hands, and continue forward. Women, on the other hand, often internalize competition. We attach emotion, self-worth, insecurity, and identity to it.

Another thing I’ve noticed is how differently men tend to talk about success, money, promotions, and ambition.

Men will openly discuss salaries, raises, career goals, and opportunities without carrying the same level of guilt around it. They’ll advocate for themselves, compare notes, negotiate harder, and often share information with each other that ultimately helps everyone level up.

Women, on the other hand, often shy away from those conversations. We worry about sounding arrogant. We worry about making someone else feel bad. We worry that if we’re getting more, somehow another woman must be getting less.

There’s almost this underlying guilt attached to wanting more.

More success.
More recognition.
More money.
More leadership opportunities.

And I think that mindset is part of what keeps women stuck competing quietly instead of collaborating openly.

Imagine how powerful women could become if we normalized talking about salaries, promotions, negotiations, and ambition the same way men often do. Not from a place of ego, but from a place of helping each other grow.

Because another woman succeeding does not take success away from you. In many cases, it actually creates more room for the women coming next.

I remember during the presidential election feeling genuinely shocked that we still haven’t seen our first female president. I found myself saying to my husband, “I just don’t think society is ready for a female president.”

And his response honestly stuck with me.

He said, “Maybe society is more ready than you think. Maybe women just didn’t fully show up for women.”

That perspective challenged me.

Not because it’s entirely black and white, because it’s obviously much more layered than that, but because I started recognizing pieces of that dynamic everywhere.

In business.
In leadership.
In social circles.
Even online.

Women sometimes feel competitive with other women because subconsciously we still feel like there are limited seats available at the table. Like if another woman shines, somehow there’s less space for us.

And that mindset is heartbreaking because imagine how much faster we could grow if we genuinely made room for each other.

Imagine if women celebrated another woman’s promotion without comparing it to their own timeline.
Imagine if confidence in another woman inspired us instead of intimidated us.
Imagine if mentorship became more common than gatekeeping.
Imagine if we stopped assuming another woman’s success somehow diminished our own.

There is room for all of us.

Room for ambitious women.
Room for soft women.
Room for stay-at-home moms.
Room for female CEOs.
Room for women rebuilding themselves.
Room for women still figuring it out.

I think one of the most powerful things we can do as women is become secure enough to clap for each other genuinely.

Not performatively.
Not publicly while privately competing.
But truly and honestly.

Because the women before us were often taught survival. They were taught to fight for limited opportunities. They were taught to earn their way into spaces that were never designed with them in mind.

But we have an opportunity to do something different for the women coming after us.

We can create bigger tables.
We can pull up more chairs.
We can normalize collaboration instead of quiet competition.

And maybe that’s how real progress happens.