Put Your Mask on First

You know that moment on every flight when they tell you to secure your own oxygen mask before helping others?

I used to hear it and think, “Well, that feels selfish.”

Now I finally understand it.

Because the truth is, if we are running on empty, exhausted, emotionally overloaded, mentally drained, and constantly pouring from an already depleted cup, eventually we stop showing up as the version of ourselves we want to be.

And as women, especially women juggling a million roles, that happens faster than we realize.

I’m a full-time mom and bonus mom. A full-time wife. A full-time employee. A full-time daughter. A friend. A leader. A problem solver. A planner. A safe place for so many people around me.

And honestly? Some days I feel completely overstimulated.

I’m also extremely Type A and naturally approach almost everything with urgency. I like solving problems. I like helping people. I like making sure everyone feels okay.

Throw in being an empath, an overthinker, and someone who replays every decision at the end of the night, and it becomes a lot.

“Did I make the right call in that meeting?”
“Did my team member feel heard and appreciated?”
“Do we think Colton is upset I missed his book fair?”
“Oh crap, I forgot tomorrow’s football snack day.”
“Does my husband know how much I love him, but also how exhausted I am?”

The list never really stops.

And I know I’m not alone in that.

Motherhood and leadership both come with so much beauty, but they also come with guilt, pressure, doubt, and the constant feeling that maybe we should be doing more.

We become our own worst critics.

It’s funny because I’ve spent years encouraging other people to prioritize themselves. I’ve always believed in therapy. I’ve always believed in having a neutral, unbiased person to talk to.

When my father passed away, I immediately got Talon into therapy because I knew how life-shaping that loss would be and wanted him to have support navigating it.

When my first marriage was struggling, I got us into couples counseling. Looking back, it became more of my ex-husband’s personal therapy session, but he genuinely benefited from it.

When my youngest was struggling with ADHD and behavioral challenges, I made the call and found Mr. Joey, who still meets with him monthly and has become one of the greatest gifts to our family.

I did all of that for everyone else.

So why did it take me 38 years to finally prioritize myself?

Honestly, I don’t fully know.

But one of the most important things I’ve done for myself this year was finding my own therapist. My own person. Someone who helps me sort through the mental clutter, the pressure, the overthinking, the constant emotional load that comes with being the person everyone depends on.

And now? I find myself looking forward to those appointments every couple of weeks.

It has become an outlet I knew I needed long before I ever allowed myself to make it a priority.

I guess what I’m saying is this:

Put your mask on first.

We hear it all the time. We’re told that if we take care of ourselves mentally and physically, we’ll be better for the people around us. Better mothers. Better partners. Better leaders. Better friends.

And that’s true.

But I also think we underestimate how much better life can feel for ourselves too.

Not just surviving. Not just functioning. Not just making it through the week while carrying the weight of everyone and everything else.

Actually feeling okay.

Actually feeling supported.

Actually giving ourselves permission to matter too.

Maybe for you, that looks like therapy.
Maybe it’s finally attending the yoga class you keep talking yourself out of.
Maybe it’s working on resetting your nervous system.
Maybe it’s planning a girls dinner full of laughter and catching up.
Maybe it’s simply carving out one uninterrupted hour for yourself without guilt.

Whatever it is, make the list.

Schedule it on your calendar.
Protect it the same way you protect everyone else’s needs.
And when you’re done, pay attention to how good you feel afterward.

Then do it again.

Because you deserve care too.
Not just from the people around you, but from yourself too.

Put your mask on first.
You matter too.